The Lesson I Learned Sitting in a Setback (And Why I’m Not Rushing the “Comeback”)

There’s a certain kind of discomfort that comes with feeling like you’ve failed, or like you’re stuck in a place you thought you had already outgrown. I’ve sat with that feeling more times than I can count—and every time, I want to fix it fast.

Make a list. Make a plan. Move on.

But here’s the lesson that keeps coming back to me (even when I try to ignore it): A setback isn’t asking you to sprint—it’s asking you to pause.

That pause? That’s where the real work lives.

When Everything Felt Foggy

Not long ago, I hit a wall with something I’d poured a lot of energy into. I felt unmotivated, disappointed in myself, and honestly... a little embarrassed. My instinct was to get busy—because if I could just “do enough,” I’d outrun the discomfort.

But instead, I tried something different. I opened my journal and wrote—not to make a plan, but just to sit with it.

I asked myself things like:

• What exactly feels like the setback here?

• What expectation did I have that didn’t get met?

• What story am I telling myself about what this means about me?

  
  

Turns out, the disappointment wasn’t just about the event itself. It was about identity, old beliefs, and a pattern of tying my worth to outcomes. Oof. That was the gut punch—but also the breakthrough.

The Lesson: Your Worth Isn’t Measured by Momentum

We live in a world that moves fast. And if you’re not constantly growing, building, thriving, posting, or “doing the work,” it can feel like you’re falling behind.

But your worth? It doesn’t evaporate in a pause. It doesn’t disappear in a hard week. And it certainly isn’t dependent on how well you “bounce back.”

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop trying to rush forward and start getting curious about where you are.

If You’re in That Space Too...

One thing that’s helped me is creating a little structure around that pause. I pulled together a few pages that gently guide me through the processing part—the reflection, the emotional work, and eventually, the tiny steps forward.

They live in a printable journal now, with sections like:

• Exploring Root Causes

• Reframing Beliefs

• Action Planning

• Emotional Vocabulary Lists (because sometimes it’s hard to know what you're feeling until you see it named)

If you're in that quiet, messy middle too, and you're craving some clarity, you can find the journal here.

What is Setting Me Back

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Final Thought

Setbacks don’t mean you're failing. They mean you're learning something that success couldn’t teach you.

So if today feels tender—if you’re holding something heavy—know that you’re allowed to stay right where you are. That pause? It’s not a detour. It’s the work.

And you’re doing it beautifully.